Nothing a pair of scissors can't fix

On one hand, I feel like I ought to avoid feeling compelled to do this every day, because if I feel compelled to do it then I'll be forcing myself to do it when I don't want to and I'll feel bad if I don't. (This was a pretty serious problem when I started posting in this thing every day back on LJ, way back when.) On the other hand, I know that if I don't commit to doing it every day, there's a good chance I'll just stop doing it. (I definitely know that I had better commit to doing the readings every day, which, given the size of the selections, won't be too onerous even when I forget to do it until bedtime. It's easy to say, oh, I can do it tomorrow, but the trouble is you can say that tomorrow, too, until you've got enough piled up that it's going to take a whole free hour or afternoon or day, that never comes, to catch up.) It's like how I tried to use Lent as a device last year (and was planning to try again this year, although I'm not sure what this head start means for that). The thing about committing to something, which means committing to will or cajole or manipulate yourself into doing it even when you (no longer) feel like it, is that you stake some of your sense of self on it. You take pride in it. This ultimately goes to show why pride is, definitively, not itself a vice, but something that is a vice in its excess or deficiency. It strikes me just now actually that the virtue that is the mean--I don't usually think much of thinking of vices and virtues in this way of Aristotle's, but sometimes it's appropriate--might be called "self-respect". "Pride" seems like a vice because it's on the excessive side of self-respect, but being a little on the excessive side can maybe be a good thing. Meanwhile I might say the deficiency side is called "shame" (or maybe "humility", but the opposite of humility is maybe something more toward boastfulness), which mirrors "pride" in that it's prima facie not a good thing but can be, or a certain kind of it can be, in certain circumstances, especially when it's not too extreme. So: you feel shame about it when you break the commitment, even slightly. (Which reminds me of JD saying to me once, "What were you, raised Catholic or something?" Nevertheless.) That's some part of why I keep playing my little internet games every day (not the only part, because sometimes I play them because I'm looking for something to do to put off doing something else)--I play them every day because I play them every day. It's a thing that I do. I'll feel like I've let myself down a bit if I don't. (And then also a different kind of pridefulness comes into it in that improving at them and running up my scores is enjoyable. (The games themselves--as I've said before--are often not at all enjoyable in themselves; playing them sometimes gives me crushing. (Then again, identifying what it is that's enjoyable in itself about anything is harder than you might think. (I don't just mean for me; I am not actually anhedonic.) The thing that comes to mind as being enjoyable in itself in video games is shooting things. I suspect that shooting things in video games is enjoyable in the same way that sweeping the floor is: there is a very clear connection between doing this simple thing and a plainly positive result. But, of course, it's still the result that makes it enjoyable ... which maybe will just go to show in the end that things look inherently enjoyable to the extent that the relationship between action and positive effect is very short and direct. And I guess also to the extent that the action is not itself unpleasant. And, come to think of it, the relationship between action and positive result also has to be reliable--the games that are most likely to give me crushing are the games that, no matter how well I'm playing, bad things are always threatening to happen.) Also you have to distinguish between actions in games that are inherently enjoyable and games that are inherently enjoyable--e.g. there are some games that are perfectly enjoyable right up until you suddenly die, which if it happens too soon, makes the whole game unenjoyable.)) This is one of the kinds of things I meant when I said you wouldn't believe the things I feel under some kind of ethical obligation to do. (And obviously it goes to show that there are some feelings of ethical obligation you'd be better off without.) But I suppose to elaborate on that I'll defer to Lent again.

So! Yesterday [i.e., two days ago--wrote this last night but internet conked out] was Genesis 16-18; today [i.e., yesterday] is Genesis 19-21. Now that Abram has settled down somewhat, ( this is where things really get going. )

Currently at Havelock: -0.9, very slowly rising for the last two hours. High today: 0.4.